How good are you at confronting someone? Do you, like most people, prefer to avoid confrontations? It turns out that the majority of people are pretty bad at confrontations and opt to dodge them whenever possible. The prospect stresses them out, and they’re even more anxious in the encounter. It’s not uncommon for people who dislike confrontation to feel their heart racing during these episodes.
Constructive Confrontation
People can get very creative when it comes to protecting their self-image – but when doing so gets in the way of your agenda, you have to confront them about it. At the same time, confrontation can prove deleterious. Tensions may rise and your adversary’s psychological defenses may come up. As the objective is to move things forward productively, what’s essential is not confrontation per se, but constructive confrontation.
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Confrontation countdown … A former colleague holds complete conversations in his head with people with whom he is angry. He rarely speaks directly with the other person. This anger in his mind continues to build because of his frustration, yet he never lets the other person know that he is frustrated and subsequently angry.
Confrontation Countdown
His conflict avoidance almost cost him his marriage because he didn’t let his wife into the conversations he was having with her; but by himself. It was almost too late by the time he did bring her into the real conversation. His need to avoid confrontation is so strong that he has a safe confrontation in his mind and feels that he has dealt with the issue. As you can imagine, this doesn’t work – especially for the other person involved. Are you guilty of holding mental conflicts and confrontations?
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Making requests … getting what you want isn’t always easy, and, for many, neither is the asking. Even so, we have learned that assertiveness is not about getting your way in the first place. Yet, the ability in making requests that are clear and concise is a hallmark of those who achieve what they want in life, to include personal success and great relationships.
Making Requests
If you read this and are thinking, “but I am making requests,” “I do ask,” “it falls on deaf ears,” or “nothing works,” etc., think again. It’s not uncommon for people to think they are making requests when instead they’re merely venting, complaining, or repeating a well-worn mini-lecture.
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Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Not sure you know the difference between an “aggressive no” and an “assertive no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself? Well, you’re not alone. In the past, I was not good at saying “no”, because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Assertive No
I have realized all these times of not saying “no” (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. It was frustrating especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say “no”.
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We, as human beings, think that through social networks, we’ve somehow become more social creatures.
The problem with this theory is, the more we “connect” online, the less actual human interactions we have, making us actually fairly unsocial.
A new video breaks down exactly how the social aspects of human beings have evolved and transformed, showing how we’ve regressed from a social standpoint.
Shimi Cohen shows exactly what’s wrong with our social structure now, and how we manipulate how we want to be presented to peers, family members, and potential mates on social media, rather than having vulnerable and genuine conversations in real time.
Check out this video above, and take a moment to truly assess how you conduct yourself, both online and in person.
