#009 – Just Say No: Freedom from Criticism, Manipulation, Conflict, and Guilt [Podcast]

No is a word we have dreaded since we were babies.  Two simple letters that have great power if used wisely.  So, why do so many of us have a hard time learning to say no?

Just Say No

Just Say No

We are surrounded by a world that loves to criticize us, to manipulate us, to control us.  How can we learn to say no?  How can we learn to live free of guilt and manipulation?

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“Just Say No” Show Notes

In this episode, I share on the following topics:

  • Your most powerful “No” is a well-defined “Yes” (2:50)
  • The latest research on conflict management (8:15)
  • Getting beyond being a “People Pleaser” (15:42)
  • 10 Action Steps to learn to say “No” and break free from manipulation, conflict, criticism, and guilt (25:30)
      1. Start small (25:43)
      2. Say No (26:58)
      3. Say Yes (28:04)
      4. Be simple and direct (28:44)
      5. Expect some resistance if people are used to pushing you around (30:00)
      6. Pick your battles (30:48)
      7. Quit worrying about hurting someone’s feelings (33:10)
      8. Be persistent (34:57)
      9. Stay cool and keep your emotions in check (35:32)
      10. Emergency tools to use in worse case situations (38:17 … this part is a bit long as I discuss 4 techniques to deal with conflict and manipulation)

“Just Say No” Episode Resources

In this episode I mentioned several resources, including:

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Question: Have questions about being more assertive?  Practices that you use that work to help you say no?  Or topics you would like to hear me cover?  You can leave a comment below, or leave me a voicemail by clicking on the link to the right.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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4 thoughts on “#009 – Just Say No: Freedom from Criticism, Manipulation, Conflict, and Guilt [Podcast]

  1. I like that quote: “Your most powerful ‘No’ is a well-defined ‘Yes’.” This is essential to remember, and helpful for positive thinking even when saying “no” is important. If you don’t have your values laid out, how do you know what to say “no” to?

    An example I like to use is the kid who isn’t allowed to play video games for more than half an hour a day. His mom makes him stop after 30 minutes, at which point he sits around for another 2 hours, wishing that he was still wasting time that way, and effectively doing nothing better. (Arguably this is an even worse way to spend his morning than if he kept playing.) This is the “don’t” strategy.

    The alternative is the “do” strategy: His mom asks him to build the biggest, most beautiful Lego castle he can in one morning. He spends 3 hours designing and creating it. He doesn’t even think about his video games that whole time… or if he does, he says “no”, because he has a much better “yes” at the moment. At the end of the morning, he shows the castle to his mom, full of pride in his accomplishment.

    We don’t say “no” because something is bad. We say it because something else is better.

    • What a GREAT illustration! I like that, and hadn’t really thought of it in terms of parenting … which is a strong example.

      Do you typically go by Timothy? Or Tim?

      I was hoping to mention your blog site this week … but got long-winded in my latest podcast and ran out of time. Hoping to mention your site in Episode 11.

        • Very cool! Thank you SO much for your support and encouragement. It means quite a bit.

          Once I get into a little more rhythm with everything, would love for you to consider possibly doing a guest blog article on my site.